Health update – Gallstones

Around 6 -7 weeks ago I started experiencing worsening stomach pain that didn’t feel like my usual crohns related stomach pain. After a week of the pain getting slowly worse and very nearly giving in and going to A&E I decided to book an urgent appointment with a GP.

The GP was really great, he was really thorough, listened attentively to all of my concerns and my long history before performing an examination and deciding it seemed to be a gall bladder or liver issue. Due to the extreme nature of my pain and the fact that I had a rapid heart rate and a slight temperature, he decided to send me into the surgical admission unit at a big hospital.

They did some bloods and checked me over and agreed that it was very likely to be gallstones and sent me home with a referal for an urgent ultrasound. I got the ultrasound a few days later and a nurse called me that afternoon to tell me I have a nice big stone and need surgery to remove It along with the gall bladder. I was told I would see a surgeon within a couple of weeks to discuss surgery and decide the best approach for me.

Unfortunately a couple of weeks later I experienced really severe pain and it was decided by me and my family that I needed to try and go to the hospital. We attended A&E and after a very long night I was put on the list for the surgeons to review me. They told me that I definitely need my gallbladder removed but that because of my other health conditions they didn’t feel that it would be possible to do the surgery during that admission. The plan was supposed to be that I would remain there for a couple of days and get good pain management from the pain team, and that I would only leave once the pain was under control, but unfortunately this was over ridden and I was sent home as soon as the pain team had spoken to me, but under the impression that my appointment had been speed up and I wouldn’t have to wait much longer.

However I still dont have an appointment. I phoned the nurse line yesterday and was told it’s normal, and that although my appointment had been expedited, they hadn’t actually made the appointment yet. I was advised to wait another week and then call the appointment booking team and ask them. I was also told that I am not yet on the surgical waiting list, despite being given the impression that I would be on it from the date I was referred to the surgeon as seeing the surgeon is just a formality, and the list is quite long so it was very unlikely I would have been called up for surgery before I was the surgeon in out-patient clinic.

Unfortunately I am still having a hard time with pain. I have been told that most people with gall stones experience intermittent pain and flare ups with breaks in between them but unfortunately my pain is constant and persistent. I am currently on very high levels of prom relief that I have worked out with my GP, but the pain still frequently breaks through those meds. It is having a massive impact on my quality of life, I am unable to sleep more than a few hours at a time without waking up for pain meds, and I am finding even the most basic tasks very difficult. My appetite is all over the place and it is very difficult to juggle the dietary restrictions for the crohns and coeliac along with the suggested changes for gallstones. I am finding though that for me, it doesn’t seem to be high fat foods that are causing the issues, and it seems much more random, I am keeping a food and symptom diary to help keep track.

I have been told several times by GPs and the hospital staff that I should be a priority, so I am hoping that this will be followed through, I will definitely let them know how much this is impacting my quality of life and the rest of my health issues, and point out that I am at a disadvantage to other patients, because most people have the option of going to A&E and having them consider doing the surgery urgently if things get too much whereas it has been made clear this is not an option for me, also the size of my stone means I am in severe and constant pain and needing a lot more pain meds than I am comfortable taking long term.

Its never nice getting a new diagnosis and finding out you need surgery again, but looking back over the last year or so a lot of my symptoms and the things I have been struggling with could be explained by the gallstones. If this is the case, I may feel a significant improvement in my overall wellbeing after my surgery and although I am trying not to get my hopes uo too high, I can’t deny its a little exciting to think some of my symptoms might actually have a fix. Until then I am just resting as much as I can and using all the tools I can to look after my mental well being as much as possible to.

Things I am grateful for

When dealing with the day to day grind of chronic illnesses and disability its easy to become lost in how hard things are and loose sight of the good things. To try and balance this I make a real effort to remind myself of the things that I am grateful for on a regular basis.

Now, I’m not saying these things totally erase the hurt caused by living with chronic illnesses and their are definitely days where its really hard to see the good in life, but when I am able to step back and remember the things that make life better it really does help.

A loving and caring fiancé who accepts me as I am

The Image shows Nicola and her fiancé sat close together and smiling. Nicola has long brown hair with a fringe covering her forehead. She has blue eyes and is wearing pale red lipstick. She has a black and grey checked shirt dress. Gareth has dark brown hair and blue eyes, he is wearing glasses with a black frame. He is wearing a blue, brown, orange and white checked shirt with dark blue jeans.
Me and My fiancé

Being in a relationship while dealing with chronic illnesses can bring many challenges, many relationships end prematurely because of the pressure of dealing with the constant health challenges. I myself have had bad relationships as a young woman where my then boyfriend was unable to deal with the realities of my needs, so I know how difficult it can be. My fiancé now is a really loving, caring and empathetic person who makes my life better in every way. We face the obstacles together and we have found many ways of making memories while trapped in a hospital bed or sitting up talking in the middle of the night. I know that its not easy for him to see me in pain and unwell but I know he loves me and is willing to take the bad with the good.

Parents who support me

I know that a lot of parents will stop supporting their children when they become adults and expect them to deal with their problems alone. I am very grateful to still live with my parents and have a safe, warm and comfortable place to live. They have made a lot of adjustments and changes to meet my ever changing needs despite the burden that it places on them. The support and love they have given me throughout my life has made me the independent and confident person that I am now and I will never stop being grateful for that.

The NHS

For those outside the UK who may not know the NHS is the UKs national health service, it is free at the point of use and it is available to everyone no matter their background, income, living situation or what condition they have. In wales we have the added bonus of free prescriptions, so any medication that is prescribed by a medical professional is provided free of charge. This is actually life saving for people like me, without free prescriptions I would genuinely struggle to afford my medication including my asthma inhalers and medication for my cluster headaches. Thanks to the NHS I can go to A&E whenever I feel the need to without worrying about any cost implications or concerns about affording care. If we didn’t have the NHS I would probably be bankrupt and unable to afford anything other than a couple of medicines each month and probably no access to doctors or hospitals due to my inability to work.

Access to good pain relief.

While I know that good pain relief should be a right and not a luxury I am acutely aware of how blessed I am to have access to good pain relief. While no amount of pain relief will eradicate the type of pain associated with chronic illnesses, decent pain control can allow a chronic illness fighter to achieve a reasonable quality of life by making pain more bearable. Because of my pain relief I can do some basic tasks for myself such as washing my hair, looking after my guinea pigs, cooking a basic meal and going to doctors appointments. There are still days where these things aren’t achievable, but without pain relief I wouldn’t be able to do any of it. Without pain relief I would definitely be housebound and likely bed bound much of the time. I will always be grateful for compassionate doctors who care about my quality of life enough to issue pain relief, and I will continue to advocate for all chronic illness patients to receive the same level of care.

My Flute

My flute has been an absolute joy these past two and a half weeks and its a really good distraction from the daily stresses of dealing with constant health admin and chronic pain. Music has given me a way to express feelings and emotions that have been hidden away for a really long time. When its just me and my flute the pain disappears for a while and my soul is set free. It gives me a focus and an outlet in a way nothing else really can.

My mobility aids

When I first started to have difficulty walking I was extremely reluctant to use any mobility aids or anything that would identify me as disabled. I wasn’t ashamed of my disabilities but I was worried that using an aid would identify me as vulnerable and make me a target for judgement or mistreatment. Eventually it got to the point where the pain was just too much and it was n longer safe to keep going without a walking aid. i started small with a folding walking stick that I could put in my bag and only use on the worst days, then i moved onto crutches and finally got a wheelchair when it was clear the pain was beyond control and I needed help to make the world accessible to me. Despite my initial reservations I am now proud to be seen with my mobility aids. I no longer worry about what other people think or if they think I’m faking. My crutches and my wheelchair are extensions of my legs. They allow me to go out into the world, they stop my home from being a prison and they make me feel safe. I know that if I’m in my wheelchair and I get a cluster headache its ok, I’m totally safe. I know that if I have my crutches I can walk a short distance safely without falling or damaging my hip even further.

My Faith

I don’t talk very much about my faith because its very personal to me and I never want anyone to feel like i am preaching at them or trying to convert them, and also because I know that a lot of what I believe doesn’t align with many who call themselves religious. Maintaining faith while dealing with chronic illnesses is challenging, I get told all the time that if I pray hard enough or I’m a good enough person then God will heal me. I get told that I just have to ‘want to be healed’. This is not what I believe. I believe that we are all valuable, that we are all special and important and that we are all perfect in Gods image and that this includes disabled and chronically unwell people. I believe that I am the way I am supposed to be. Having chronic illnesses is extremely difficult, but there are so many things in my life that I probably wouldn’t have if I never got sick. I may not have met my fiancé or talked to him the way I did, I may not have had time to rediscover my love for the flute and the joy that brings me and in all honesty I may not have such a strong faith. There are moments in my journey where I knew God was with me, where I knew miracles were happening, where I felt peace in the midst of chaos and I am so grateful for all of those. I believe God has the power to heal if chosen, but I also believe that I don’t need to be healed because I’m not broken.

My Life

There are so many more things I could list here but I over all I am just so grateful for my life. Life with chronic illnesses and constant pain is really difficult and there is no getting away from that, but the flip side is that you learn to see the joy in the tiniest moments. The cups of coffee first thing in the morning, walking down a street hand in hand, sitting on the beach eating chips or sitting on the sofa laughing at stupid TV shows. I know what it’s like to worry that life may be shorter than you imagined and that really makes me grateful for each day.